Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
