My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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