he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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