What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
