Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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