My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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