There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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