did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I supernannyed him into submission
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
