Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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