My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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