first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
