he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
