he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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