I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
