wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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