You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize