wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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