is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
