I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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