WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
