Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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