I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
