Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
