mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
