So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
