I showed him my bush... on skype.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
