The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
