it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
