I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
