Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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