Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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