I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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