Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
