they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
