As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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