I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
