He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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