glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Randomize
