the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
