hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
