God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
