I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
