So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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