something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
