I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
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Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
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