Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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