We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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