she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She's the barista slut.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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