ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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