I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
