i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
