they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
