if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
