She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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