only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
