it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
