god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
