I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
