I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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