Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
