It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
