Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
