1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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