Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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