She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
