dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
