U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
