I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
