Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
