I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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