since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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