im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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