walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
