We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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