Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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