i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
this beer tastes like vomit already
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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