dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
