what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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