last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
