I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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