mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You made out with two different species that night
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
