Will you blow on my dice?
Sponge bath it is.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i've created a new STD.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
