Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
