If i come over, it means nothing
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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