She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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