I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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