When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
