idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
