DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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