Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
