ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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