Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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