I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
