How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Screwed.edu
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
